Caregiver Caretaker

by Graham Earley

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1.
i was holding onto none i was only making fun didn't know where i was from didn't know i was searching for no one trip and fall and break and run didn't know what was to come didn't know but i never wanted to never never never never wanted to be there so long i'm gone we were talking in clichés hiding everything away floating through an open space floating through we would talk about a change all that shit that comes with age didn't know what stayed the same didn't know but i never wanted to never never never never wanted to be there so long and i thought you thought i knew thought you thought i thought you thought i knew the way back then i was so wrong the dirt gets in my eyes when a forest grows from my tree i wish i could see what you see when you see me but i never wanted to never never never never wanted to be there so long and i thought you thought i knew thought you thought i thought you thought i knew the way back then i was so wrong and i was so wrong you say a word i say it back i change the tense i add a track you press rewind i play it back am i on track? am i on track?
2.
when we float along the ocean you're pointing to the shore i was reaching for the horizon you're reaching for the oar you dip your hand below the water and i dip below the deck i grabbed you by the arm and you held me by the neck so we're drifting to the shoreline and the waves are getting thin i say baby there's no way you know, the water's getting in but we both know there is nothing i just don't want to regret it i say i'm trying to find my way but i just want to get it we're diving down right below the surface trying not to drown and when i felt the ground the sand filled my eyes and i couldn't look around there's this distance between us and i think that's okay scoot a little closer in your pew that's not gonna make it go away we're so far now from the ocean and when i look back at the shore i can't keep myself from thinking what the fuck'd we do that for? because you you flagged me down didn't know what i was doing so i thought i'd stick around and when i knew what i'd found the tide rose up and it washed me out of town when the negotiation's over i can hardly feel my feet your identity's a house and i was just walking by your street when you dive into the ocean and i walk along the shore i was tracing along your footprints i can't find them anymore
3.
Horoscopes 03:34
and when i rent a tiny plane and pack a bag and fly to spain will you still recall my name? will you still recall my name? and when i row a tiny boat do you think that i will float? or will i sink and soil my coat? will i sink and soil my brand new coat? and when you find my crime i'll find it hard and when you read my mind i'll try to guard my self i'm here and when i write a tiny book and ask if you would take a look did i have what it took? did you think i had what it took? and when i go to cash your check and do it all behind your back to pay for all the things i lack to pay for all these things i lack and when i find the time i'll find it all and when you changed your sign i thought i fucked up you're down here i dropped my guard. and what you wrote is in my spit i swallow your horoscope is in my skin and my bones don't you know what's on my mind? don't i show? so you throw out the words in your throat so here i am up in this plane flying high above the rain wondering if we're the same been wondering if we're the same
4.
O Fauna 03:54
trim the stems and watch it grow but i didn't need the nectar soil opens to a hole and when it fills it's better rain on my back, grab my spade and step into the cabin lay a bed of things i made silent lightning flashing when i woke i was rebuilt but there was something missing went to the garden on the hill and there was someone listening and i was calling echo through the clearing and trees were falling but i wasn't hearing but o fauna was it something i said? and is it wrong to disappear in my head? and i don't wanna change my lobe location so i am gonna keep my situation flowers growing reaching over my head and under my skin think i'm burning all these buildings, all the flowers within but as i stumble my eardrum shatters and there's a mumble pointing out what matters but o fauna what did i hear you say? and is it wrong to try to find a new way? and i don't wanna lose sight of this sound so i am gonna keep my ear to the ground i'm listening now i'm listening flowers blooming reaching up around my sockless ankles think the nectar cleared my head out taking off my raincoat and in the clearing there's a garden on the hill and i am hearing all the grass is standing still
5.
Ocean Floor 03:01
bought a house on the ocean where the ocean breeze is and when the snow falls in minnesota my ocean never freezes my waves fall on my shoreline my sand's between my toes and i'm just glad this ocean's all mine and no one has to know that i want to come clean to you but i'm just on the ocean floor this ocean is all mine but you aren't anymore no you aren't anymore and i'll just sit here under my sky find something to read it's funny when you have it all there's still so much you need but the sand begins to erode the tide is coming in and i'm left with this old sailboat and not a single gust of wind no i want to come clean to you but i'm just on the ocean floor this ocean is all mine but you aren't anymore no you aren't anymore i have to go i want to stay the anchor's dragging me away i have to go but leave you here you'll find your sail when the fog clears and you find it want a house on the ocean where the ocean breeze is but i'm back in minnesota where all i'll ever need is i want to come clean to you but i'm just on the ocean floor this ocean is all mine but you aren't anymore no you aren't anymore
6.
o tell me about your travels where'd you go? where'd you sleep? and did you wear your hair down? and what secrets did you keep? and will you tell me where you're going? or will you just get up and go? from what i've heard you say in sleep there's something i should know i read about a castle it was made of moss and stone it had towers for the archers and a gate of iron bone and when the gate did open and the lord himself did show he realized and whispered there's something i should know we'd rather read the papers than look into our eyes rub my nose in your hair till i know what's on your mind and when those iron bones creak and you start to clear your throat i have to sit and wonder if there's something i should know wind in windows repeats my name open your mouth but say nothing so tell me about your travels where'd you go? how'd you sleep? and did you share your secrets? and why'd you even leave? and will you tell me about your tattoo? the one you never show i've seen it through your white shirt is there something i should know? i've seen it through your white shirt there's something i should know there're some things i don't know
7.
The Weekend 03:52
the weekend clouds were sparse so we rolled out into the dark and we rolled out our sleeping bags and we rolled out to see the stars the weekend fog was thin so we slipped off our moccasins and we slipped off into the current and we slipped off who we weren't a rumbling sound a bow and arrow ear to the ground trembling marrow the weekend night was cool so we slept in the neighbor's pool and we slept in until the night and we slept in but something wasn't right a cloud of smoke the traffic hum burning pile of oak scared of what it's become ahooooo the weekend sky was clear so we turned off our exit was near and we turned off our cell phones and it turned out that we were alone the weekend tide was high so we stepped down to our eyes and we stepped down from our roles and we stepped down to get closer a distant sound we're moving toward mountain from ground what we're looking for

about

songs about the balance of giving care and taking care and finding the difference. dedicated to my parents.

album is available to stream on spotify, etc. search graham earley.

credits

released August 18, 2017

Engineered & Mastered by Carter Konz at Nº Shore Recording Co. (no-shore.com)

Feedback and recording help: Eli Ruffer.

cover art / photo: Graham Earley

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Graham Earley Minneapolis, Minnesota

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